The key theme I would like to portray is DRAMA
Script to annotate
A Long Way Down written by Jack Thorne
The first part circled on this script is the dialogue in the script. This is where the characters come alive and where the character is mostly built into the person they are. It's very common for the opening moments of a film not to be taken up with dialogue but in this particular case that's very different. Martin has already been introduced to the audience earlier in the script and evolves as a character with this piece of speech as he talks very intellectually at his reason for wanting to jump and he seems happy about it and that he has put thought into it. The film is based on suicide and you would usually associate suicide sufferers as people who don't have control of their thoughts and struggle to talk about their problems but it's clear that this isn't the case for Martin as he talks well and is open to discuss why he wants to commit suicide. This piece of dialogue is hugely important as it quickly tells the audience what the character is all about and they can quickly build a relationship with the character as he is very normal but going through a horrible time in his life.
The second circle down is called a slug line, this explains where the scene is taking place and at what time. This is huge in a script as it sets the scene and makes it easy for the director to direct. As well as this it makes it easier to write the script as you can link the characters dialogue in with the setting. For example if it was daytime in a desert the character could be evidently sweating and almost mumbling because of the lack of energy.
The third circle down is highlighting an action block within the script. This is something that tells you what the character is doing and how it needs to be acted. These action blocks are hugely important because the small details within a character can be highly important in the creation of one. The one circled in the script I have chosen is a great example as it says that the character shuts his eyes after talking about him not wanting to live anymore. This small action is a subtle hint that the character is tired with his current life and can not deal with it any longer.
Good development of character - inner presence, outer presence and context
I am going to be concentrating on Martin as I look at the character development that takes part in the script as I feel he is one of the most intriguing characters and very well built. The image above is from the first scene in the script and the one below is from the final scene in the script. Martin has obviously developed over the course of the script and it's very apparent when comparing these two scenes. In the first scene he is wanting to commit suicide and completely done with life, it wasn't a matter of if, it was when it would happen. Throughout the script Martin develops as a character and by the end of it, he still isn't a happy man but is more content with life than he was at the start. It's evident that he has more energy for life and his outer presence is a happier as he is seen running to the top of the hill to collect a doll that had been left, in the first scene he is seen with his eyes shut and very lethargic.
As well as outer presence Martin's inner presence has changed as at the start of the script he is very serious and straight to the point, by the end of the script he is joking and saying that he sounds like a bit of a dickhead, at the start of the script you would have never seen Martin joking about himself as he was very down and by the end of the script Martin has developed into a man who still clearly has problems but now accepts them and is willing to embrace change to try and make him a better person.
Short Films
Both of the short films I have picked have been made by online video creator, Bertie Gilbert. The reason I have chose these is because his style is very unique but both of these films are very different. the first film is called Tick Where It Hurts. It tells the story of a young musician coming to terms with the suicide of his brother and his musical partner over the span of a night. Guy, the musician is a very logical thinker and cannot come to terms with why the two people closest to him in life would want to commit suicide, his mind runs riot trying to come up with ideas of why they both committed suicide. The reason why I love this short movie is because of the intense character study which makes you form a bond with the people on screen. With a drama based film I feel that is hugely important because you need to understand their motives and the way they tick. The film is also so artistic and the colours in the film reflect the feelings beautifully, it is bright red at points connoting the feeling of anger and love as well as the danger that is currently in his life. The best thing about this though is the artistic flair and beautiful imagery in this does not pollute the message or lose track of the character. The intense concentration on character development throughout Tick Where It Hurts is all down to the well written script which concentrates on dialogue but also uses the action blocks to it's advantage.
The second short film is Grey Area once again directed by Bertie Gilbert. This concentrates on the struggles that two friends face but they come closer together when one of them comes out as gay. It makes their friendship more trustworthy and a whole lot better. Once again Bertie Gilbert manages to create a beautiful narrative but compliment it with wonderful colour grading and an artistic style that no other online short film creator has managed to perfect. The narrative within this short film isn't much different to that of other short films but the way that this one is portrayed makes it feel unique and raw. The reason why I love this film is because it has real emotion and the audience can connect with the characters which means the message is even more powerful. The development of the characters from the way the screenplay is written is great because the way they act and speak changes throughout to make them more accepting and happier but this is done very subtly which is always the best way. Another feature of the way this has been written is that throughout the whole thing there is never too much said, only what is completely needed and this is very realistic to what a male friendship is like, there is never lengthy conversations. By having the short but effective dialogue it means the message is clear and can be easily understood.
Audience Research
This was the first question in my survey and I did expect I would receive the results I did as the drama genre is particularly enjoyed and consumed. I knew that this response would effect the rest of my survey so I would keep this in mind.
Due to me sending out my survey around college, the majority of the responses would be of a younger audience. Due to this it might mean that my idea of a screenplay might need to be adapted to suit that of a younger person and appeal to them.
This was a very pleasing response to have as if the response was that people did not enjoy the drama genre then I would have had to think twice about whether I should have made a different one. But thankfully, it seems that people do enjoy it!
This was once again a very pleasing response to have as the audience that would best suit the script I want to make needs to be actively watching drama films, the majority of the people that responded do watch drama films on a regular basis which says to me that they will enjoy and at least watch my screenplay.
This question was going to see if my screenplay was worth carrying on with as there is no point creating something that people don't want. All of the previous questions did point to the answer that people do want to see a drama and this question confirmed that. I knew that by creating a drama film I had a audience that would enjoy it and that would enjoy the plot and the way the film advanced throughout.
In most drama films the protagonist is a male and this was something that I had questioned when starting to write my screenplay. I didn't know whether to base the film around a male or female so this response was vital to how the film would progress. In the end you can see that people wanted to see a male protagonist in the male role, probably because they are more used to seeing males in this role in other films and enjoy them so don't want change. This was a very interesting response for me as it meant I knew the path my screenplay would take in the hands of a male protagonist.
The ending is the most important part of any film in my opinion so a question had to be asked about this. My screenplay could have ended either way so I thought I would leave it to the audience to decide on what they wanted. This was the most narrowly decided response which shows that the audience is very split and that I could have made either ending and there would be people happy about it and not so happy about it, you're never going to please everyone but this gave me some guidance in what direction to take the ending.
After this section of research I then went on to look into other films that have been created in the same genre as mine to complete some more research. The first film I looked at was the Godfather as it is arguably the greatest drama film of all time and a classic timepiece that all screen writers can learn from.
From this I am able to take the key points which makes this film great and transfer it into mine. It's evident to me that the reason the Godfather is so successful and loved it because of the contrast of characters and the hatred that comes of the war that takes part between the characters. This can be added to my screenplay as the audience research showed that they want a male protagonist and for there to be a sad ending, this is the perfect combination and something that is certainly achievable when writing my script. As well as this the Godfather can be related to as it shows the anguish within a family, something that most people have experienced. I will be using the family within my screenplay to have this element to the film.
One of the main characters in the film is Vito. Vito oversees a business founded on gambling, bootlegging, and union corruption, but he is known as a generous man who lives by a strict moral code of loyalty to friends and, above all, family. He is also known as a traditionalist who demands respect commensurate with his status; even his closest friends refer to him as "Godfather" or "Don Corleone" rather than "Vito". In my screenplay my protagonist is going to be similar to Vito, someone who puts family before everyone else and will go to any length to protect them and do good for. As for location all of the family houses are large and in pristine condition. For a family associated with crime this is often the case as they care hugely about where they live and also to show off. In my screenplay the location is similar and Si is very judgmental to people who do not live in surroundings as good as his, including his daughter. This vast contrast will be a nice way to show Si that despite his at times troubled life, he is very lucky to have what he does.
In my film the location was hugely important as it needed to reflect what the story was about and needed to be suitable for the mood. It would be no good to have a mansion in the middle of the country for Michael's house.
It needed to be a grotty flat in the middle of a council estate with drug dealers on every corner. Much like the locations in the Godfather the locations reflect the power of each character and this is why Si and his wife have a large house which is well kept. Despite having spent the majority of his life in prison the family still have a large amount of money and this shows a certain amount of power.
From all of this research I learnt a lot which I didn't know before and it helped me construct my overall screenplay. I learnt a lot about what the audience wanted and that although I would need to write a script that I would enjoy, there is no point writing a script that other people wouldn't be interested in seeing. As well as this I learnt a huge amount regarding character development and how to make the characters feel relatable to the audience. After looking at the characters in The Godfather it made me realise that these are normal people just dramatised, if I could create this effect in my screenplay it would mean there is much more chance in the audience feeling a connection with the characters and genuinely caring about them. Before writing this script I had never really thought about location either, it had always been in the back of my mind as I thought if I had a good set of characters with good dialogue it would make the screenplay, I was wrong. After looking at the locations in The Godfather and watching other films it made me realise that the location needs to be spot on in order to replicate the mood and the role of the characters. I loved the image of the council estate above as it really does connote certain moods and it gives off images of failure and dark times. A few of the scenes in my screenplay are going to be very dark so the location needs to contribute to this and this was something I didn't realise until I started my research dossier.
http://www.movie-locations.com/movies/g/godfather_01.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Godfather
https://www.youtube.com/
You have collected and prepared excellent background material for a scriptwriting project to near-professional standards working independently to professional expectations.
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